I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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