I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
