My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...