I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.