Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.

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(901): All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name. http://tfl.nu/tyab

Replies (29) Good night (5433) Bad night (768)
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(614): View more from Ohio

My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.

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(614): My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation. http://tfl.nu/2cc3

Replies (12) Good night (831) Bad night (5090)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.

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(612): Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing. http://tfl.nu/z54y

Replies (15) Good night (753) Bad night (6889)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.

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(717): He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home. http://tfl.nu/aglq

Replies (9) Good night (3459) Bad night (885)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building

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(952): So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building http://tfl.nu/qsqb

Replies (15) Good night (8230) Bad night (944)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.

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(203): Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka. http://tfl.nu/23cb

Replies (5) Good night (1819) Bad night (800)
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(316): View more from Kansas

You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.

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(316): You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath. http://tfl.nu/tem9

Replies (2) Good night (1637) Bad night (806)
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(812): View more from Indiana

that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level

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(812): that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level http://tfl.nu/3djd

Replies (11) Good night (3773) Bad night (748)
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(661): View more from California

Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.

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(661): Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting. http://tfl.nu/cxg1

Replies (4) Good night (452) Bad night (1546)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge

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(336): The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge http://tfl.nu/ygw7

Replies (15) Good night (2854) Bad night (603)
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(979): View more from Texas

A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.

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(979): A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her. http://tfl.nu/dqlo

Replies (12) Good night (945) Bad night (1823)
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(210): View more from Texas

did you know gatorade and rum go really good together

(1-210): View more from Texas

Are you doing depressed science again

(210): View more from Texas

maybe

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(210): did you know gatorade and rum go really good together (1-210): Are you doing depressed science again (210): maybe http://tfl.nu/zjts

Replies (4) Good night (884) Bad night (454)
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(206): View more from Washington

I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug

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(206): I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug http://tfl.nu/jw7j

Replies (2) Good night (455) Bad night (224)
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(810): View more from Michigan

My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.

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(810): My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore. http://tfl.nu/n09d

Replies (2) Good night (334) Bad night (278)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.

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(203): So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza. http://tfl.nu/aaw9

Replies (1) Good night (724) Bad night (251)

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