just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
