Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.