I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
