i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
they need to just BURY HIM!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!