i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
