Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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