I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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