I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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