just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
