The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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