How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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