Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
