my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
