smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
