so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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