Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
