Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
