she looked like the before picture.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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