pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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