I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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