My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
