You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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