I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
not ubering you a puppy
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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