my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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