Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
