Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize