mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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