How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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