As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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