Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
