cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
