Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
