Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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