I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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