1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
