i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
