then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
