He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
