the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
