Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
