Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
