i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
