After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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