Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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