Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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