I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize