I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
