If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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