I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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