The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
