Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
