He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
