On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
