the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize