I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
True strength comes from lack of pants
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize