My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
