he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
