can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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