Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
