i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
