Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
