his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
