I wish my penis had an off switch
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
