Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
