the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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