singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
