you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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