Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
