I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
