woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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