Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
