PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
