Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
