I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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