Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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