he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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