I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
