i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
