why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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