I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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