God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
