Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
