I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
