If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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