I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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