when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
