it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
