dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
