I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
