I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just had sex on a roof
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
