she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
