I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
